Stories from parenthood with Kez-Anne Dawes
Photo by Andrea Hanki Photography
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Getting to know Kez-Anne
Probation Officer with the Government of Alberta
FW: Give us a glimpse into your career and how it looked in the years leading up to the pandemic?
Kez-Anne: I attended Grant MacEwan University and took Correctional Services, I graduated in 2014 and started my first day as a Probation Officer in September 2014. I supervise a caseload of 70-90 clients who are involved in the criminal justice system. I meet with clients on a regular basis, based on there level of risk in the community, and we work on their needs and to get them connected with community resources. I work with the inner-city population so many of my clients are homeless living in the shelters or on the streets. Meeting with clients allows me to build rapport with them, a lot of these guys don’t often open up much and they hold resentment towards the justice system. Prior to the pandemic it was easy for us to refer clients to community agencies but once the pandemic hit many of those places switched to appointments via telephone or video. Unfortunately working with the inner-city population meant some of those clients could not access those resources.
FW: Can you summarize what your journey into parenthood looked like ?
Kez-Anne: My husband and I have been together for 12 years and having a family was something we always knew we wanted to do. We always talked about children and what their names would be (which we never used any of them LOL I guess they weren’t good enough) and dreamed of the gender and how we would parent. I grew up in a unique situation, my aunt and uncle had guardianship over me, and I lived with them for a very long time. It was so nice to be a part of a loving home and I knew that, that was the life I wanted to create for my family one day. Fast forward to 2017, my husband and I were pregnant with our first baby; unfortunately, days later we found out we miscarried. I wasn’t really sure how I would move forward from this, but I knew that if I didn’t it would hold me back from starting a family. We decided to wait a few months before trying again. In 2018, we found out we were pregnant with our second baby. Although I had a pretty good pregnancy physically, emotionally I was worried about miscarrying again. In October 2018, we welcomed our rainbow baby. Our daughter is now a happy and healthy 2.5-year-old. In April 2021, we welcomed our sweet baby boy. He was originally due in May, but I guess he had other plans for us!
FW: What does your current work/life situation look like balancing of parenthood and your career?
Kez-Anne: Currently, I am on maternity leave. Prior to maternity leave, I was working full time. During the day our daughter would go to day home at 7:00am and I would pick her up at 5:00pm. Mornings were very early for us, to make sure I was on work at time, I had to have my daughter at day home right at 7:00am. Our routine was pretty much up and out the door. Our evenings felt so quick, by the time we got home, we had to figure out what to eat (if there was not leftovers) and then after then start bedtime routine so that our daughter was in bed by 7:30pm. A lot of our evening felt rushed and as though we did not have time to play before bed. I always made sure to cherish our bedtime routine because it felt like that was the most time, I spent one on one with her in the evenings.
Parenting through the pandemic
FW: What does a typical day for you look like right now?
Kez-Anne: Although I felt so thankful to be able to work from home, the reality was that working from home with a toddler, a dog, while pregnant was not easy. My husband works in the same field as me, but he works shift work, so half of the time I would be alone. When we first went into lockdown in 2020, we decided to keep our daughter home from day home because we were worried about her safety. A typical day for me looked like: logging onto my computer and working on things that didn’t get completed from the day before (hoping my daughter would sleep in so actually get it done lol). Between attending meetings and appointments with clients, I would also have to find the time to entertain and feed my daughter. I would usually have a craft picked out for her to do and once she was done, I would put on the TV for her. It is definitely hard to keep a 2-year-old entertained. Because she did not understand what was going on, I ended up getting very anxious about my workload. I felt like if I was dealing with my daughter for too long that my manager or my supervisor would notice and that I would get in trouble for not being available or at my laptop. My job is demanding, the phone never stops, and I was trying to book phone calls during my daughter’s nap time. I had a very hard time finding a balance between my work while parenting.
FW: What are the best and worst pieces of advice you’ve gotten as a working parent?
Kez-Anne: I never really received any good advice from people, I guess if I did it never stuck out to me. But the worst advice I got, was when I was returning to work after maternity leave many people’s advice was “she will be okay, and it is good for her to miss you.” Although I know they weren’t saying it to be rude, my issue with it, was that it was minimizing my feelings. I had just spent a year with my baby and a year is never long enough and to think I was sending her to childcare, and I would be spending more time at work than with her. I get it is very normal to work full time while having kids, but the reality is that it will never be easy to leave your child. This truly held me back from expressing how I felt to people.
FW: How have you managed balancing your workload in a time when childcare has been sometimes unavailable or sporadic?
Kez-Anne: During the first lockdown in 2020, we kept our daughter home for about five months. Throughout the five months I had to adapt, and I relied a lot on my daughter’s nap time in order to get work done. If I couldn’t finish tasks throughout my day while she was home, I usually had to work in the evening when she was in bed or when my husband was home. At the start of my days, I made to-do lists and focused solely on those lists to help get me through the day, in order for me to feel accomplished.
FW: What supports and/or resources have made it possible for you to take on both career and child-rearing responsibilities?
Kez-Anne: In the very beginning of the pandemic, it was just my husband and I supporting each other. He works shift work, so some days he would be home during the week and he would be able to do the daily routine with our daughter. It’s not that we didn’t have supports around us; we just felt it was safer to rely on each other, especially in the beginning. After our first lockdown we decided our daughter should return to day home and that was our main support in order for me to continue working.
FW: What have been some of the biggest challenges or changes to your work life since the start of the pandemic?
Kez-Anne: Working with clients who are dealing with a lot of trauma, mental health and addictions can be draining, I would say my biggest challenge is not having co-workers around to debrief with. Being isolated while trying to help others can put our own mental health at risk. It is much easier to walk over to someone’s office and chat about a client, whereas working remotely creates more barriers and people are less likely to connect, even when they are feeling overwhelmed. Additionally, managing clients who do not have access to telephones to report when they are supposed to creates many barriers for them and myself. It does not allow us as probation officers to connect and build rapport with our clients (a lot of them we have never met because of the pandemic) which can hinder their ability to ask for help and get them connected with resources. Not only was this problematic between probation officers and clients but with community agencies because many of them had to close their doors and do telephone or video counselling sessions, which again, is a barrier for clients who are transient and do not have the means to stay in contact. Lastly, a challenge was learning how to work while being a parent at home. Having to put work on the back burner while I was tending to my daughter.
FW: Has the pandemic impacted how you parent your child/ren?
Kez-Anne: Yes, some days I felt myself becoming more irritable with my daughter. Because I was working, I couldn’t just sit and play with her or take her to the park and give her my undivided attention. In between calls and paperwork, I would be trying to find the next activity for her to do quietly. She is 2.5 years old, so expecting her to play alone [for long periods of time] is impossible. We both shared many tears of frustration and wondering what we could do the next day to have a more successful day. It is hard to try to explain to a 2.5-year-old that “mommy has to work and can’t play right now.” I had to learn to be more patient with not only her but myself. Most evenings I felt like a horrible mom, feeling like my daughter thought I was ignoring her to be on my laptop. I found myself allowing her to watch TV more often than I would like, but I honestly did not have a choice. I felt relieved when the weekend would come and I could focus on just her and not have to rely on electronics to keep her entertained. During the pandemic I started reading more about gentle parenting and reading about toddlers and their emotions. I relied on a lot of these resources to get me through the very long days. I also felt like this helped my daughter communicate better with us before getting upset. I had to teach myself to understand her feelings and emotions and that she truly doesn’t understand them herself. There were still hard days and good days but I’m glad it forced me to look at some parenting resources.
FW: How have the demands of parenthood impacted your career?
Kez-Anne: My career was impacted by falling behind in my workload and not being able to focus on my job. I felt guilty every time I was playing or tending to my daughter during work hours, but the reality is that a 2.5-year-old does not fully understand why you are not paying attention to her. I remember during many weekly meetings, my daughter decided it was a good time to REALLY need my attention and it would turn into a tantrum. So, while I was trying to calm her, I was missing important information from the meeting. Some days I would wake up already drained and anxious about how the day would look, and how my daughter would behave during the day. There were many tasks that were not completed in a timely matter and I remember stressing to my supervisors about this. I can acknowledge how lucky I was to have them understand and work with me in order to get my work done or even just to reassure me that everything was going to be okay.
FW: Have you formed a personal motto or philosophy surrounding your recent experiences?
Kez-Anne: Not really. I remember feeling very stressed about managing work and being a parent and feeling so guilty for not getting tasks done and my husband always told me “the work will always be there.” I never realized how much I don’t like being last minute with things. But he was right, I really had to understand and accept that no one has worked through a pandemic and we are all just doing the best we can. Through this I learned to be gentle with myself and to slow down. We took so much for granted before the pandemic and although this has been awful for so many reasons, there was still a lot to be thankful for. Our health being one of them. Neither me, my husband or my daughter caught COVID and every day that was something to be thankful for. Another thing is the privilege to be able to work from home, a lot of people, my husband being one of them don’t work in a job where they can be safe at home. Even though it was a hard adjustment; I always reflected on how lucky I am.
FW: Has the pandemic positively impacted your career/life in any way?
Kez-Anne: I recognize the pandemic has had negative impacts on many people, for me I feel grateful to focus on my own goals, in terms of my own brand and photography. During the pandemic, I have connected with many creators and small local business’ and have done partnerships with them. I feel so happy to be a part of this community and network with many fun, kind and likeminded individuals. Additionally, the pandemic has encouraged me to grow and be okay with change. For a long time, I have been wanting to get into social media or marketing, and I believe the pandemic pushed to look into schooling for that. I don’t believe the sky is the limit and although change can be scary (especially working in my current field for over six years!); tomorrow is never guaranteed.
FW: If you had to pick, what would be the biggest thing parenting through the pandemic has changed your perspective on?
Kez-Anne: That parenting is hard no matter what. Whether you stay home with your kiddos or work during the day. Being a mom is a full-time job and I never realized how much work it is to stay home with my daughter (and now my 2-week-old son). Not one is more important that the other and not one is harder than the other. They are both hard. And during a time like this when you cannot call your friends and family to help, the job feels impossible. No one is able to socialize and that makes it so much harder as well, we don’t realize how much our kids learn when they are socializing with other kids. I remember being worried about my daughter’s speech and once she went back to day home, she started talking in sentences. Our day care and day home teachers are so important in this world, we don’t realize how much they do for and with our children. So, this is such a good reminder to be gentle with yourself, your kids, and other mamas because you never know what someone is going through on the other end. And to never wish the moments away, even when they are hard, enjoy them because every stage is special in its own way.
