Hi! I’m Alex, and welcome to the Forty Wink Community! I think some introductions are in order. I wanted to share a little about myself, and what inspired me to start up Forty Wink!

A little bit about me

For those I haven’t met before, my name is Alex DesCôtes. I’m a multidisciplinary designer and illustrator, I co-host a local Ladies, Wine + Design chapter. I live in Edmonton, Alberta with my partner, Jackson; daughter, Sutton; and mini-labradoodle, Clyde.

Jackson and I welcomed our bundle of joy into the world January 2020. Since then we’ve been in the throws of learning how to take care of our little babe, all while adapting to life amidst the pandemic. It’s been an interesting year to say the least.

As I set forth with Forty Wink I have two points of interest that I wanted to share:

First, one of my dreams has always been to run a small brick and mortar. While on mat leave from my “real job”, I decided to take on the digital version of this dream, and open an online shop in this space. Some of the items will be designed and made by myself, but I have hopes of curating other makers’ goods, and making them available for purchase as well.

More importantly, I want to create a space for people, specifically parents, to engage with individuals and content that speaks to them on a personal level. Now, more than ever, I think we could all benefit from sharing our collective experiences. As I mentioned in my previous post, let’s navigate parenthood together.

Get ready for some truth bombs

To begin, I thought I’d share a small snippet from my pregnancy experience, which is also where the idea for Forty Wink started to develop. This part of my motherhood story is important to share, because up until this point it’s been untold, and is often the part we are encouraged to keep to ourselves. Unless you’re one of my close friends you’ve probably only seen my (fairly curated, let’s be honest) images of postpartum bliss.

Out of the gates I want to make one thing clear: from the moment we found out I was pregnant I was excited. That stayed true throughout my pregnancy, but (and that is a significant but) it was a lot harder than I ever imagined. I felt like I hadn’t been properly prepared for how hard pregnancy could be. My head was filled with images of me running, hitting PRs, and doing prenatal yoga with my cute little prego belly sidekick. My days would be filled with drinking green smoothies, lovingly putting our nursery together, and hanging out with friends in the most stylish of pregnancy outfits.

I’ve heard of women who’ve had a pregnancy like this. I’m not one of those women. In truth this was the total opposite of my experience.

The daily throwing up started a few weeks after I found out I was pregnant. Anything could set me off. I couldn't even keep my prenatal vitamins down half the time, which of course riddled me with guilt. A sip of water would send me running to the bathroom. If I did discover a magical food that I could keep down, things would reset after a few days, and that same food would send me reeling.

I tore my achilles in my first trimester, so my runs to the bathroom soon turned into crawls as I dragged my casted leg across the condo floor.

There would be no running, deadlifts, or prenatal yoga for me. My diet would consist of mostly pretzels and Pedialite freezer pops. I spent most days in my sweatpants in bed.

I was always tired. I was always nauseous. And even though I had a strong support system, and healthy baby growing inside of me, I often felt alone.

Just so you know, I’m struggling over here

I don’t think I could have hidden what was going on with me even if wanted to, but there was also no way that was going to happen. In my mind everyone needed to know about the reality of my situation. In the chance that they also wanted children, I felt like they needed to be prepared for what could lay ahead for them.

When I was asked about how my pregnancy was going, I started dropping some serious truth bombs about what I was going through. If people inquired about how I was doing, they would not be getting the typical “Things are going well!” as a response.

I also took to the internet as I searched for articles written by women who had, or were going through, similar experiences. Oh the Google search rabbit holes I would fall down as I searched for allies.

Then something amazing happened. A few women in my inner circle started to reveal their pregnancies to me. Low and behold, many of them were going through some of the same struggles as I was. While I felt for their suffering, I was selfishly joyous. Finally people who understood what I was going through! We shared stories, tricks for dealing with nausea, and we would vent to one another. We would actually laugh as we swapped horror stories of when our nausea would hit at the most inopportune times, in the most inopportune places.

Sharing made things easier, and suddenly I didn’t feel so alone anymore.

Filling each others cups

It’s not a secret that celebrating wins with a friend makes it more special. It’s also true that having someone to lean on during hard times makes things more bearable. This, in addition to my feelings of being alone while pregnant, and then my feelings when I found community, made me see a vacancy that needs to be filled in our society. We must remove our rose coloured glasses, and start talking about the realities we are facing.

While I have pages and pages of my early motherhood journey left to tell, I hope that what I’ve shared today helps explain why this is so important to me.

Along the way I hope all of us pick up tips + tricks, laugh out loud stories, and relatable hardships. When we get into the habit of being truthful and sharing our stories, (yes, even the messy bits) our community will only benefit.

I mostly look forward to hearing YOUR stories! My story isn’t the only story. This will be a space that shares all voices and experiences, with the intention of inspiring, supporting, and educating one another.

Please get in touch if you’re interested in contributing to the community.

Oh, and if you had a storybook pregnancy, we can still be friends… just don’t rub it in too hard ✌️